WordPress is dumb sometimes

This is the cake picture it wouldn’t let me put in my last post.

 

Best anniversary yet.

Remember how I said I signed up for Turkey Trot? Ha. Running Trots jokes still make me laugh. Anyway, I’ve been running 1-2 miles every few days to get my lungs back in shape, my legs back in shape, and so that I don’t feel all around lazy.

On my run last night something unbelievable happened. So unbelievable that I have to pinch (prounounced pee-nch) myself just to make sure it actually happened. …Nathan ran with me. It was fun. I was so happy we may as well of been holding hands and skipping thru fields of daisies. It was my favorite thing that has happened since Sunday.

Sunday was our 1 year wedding anniversary (pausing for applause). We celebrated on Friday night and went to dinner Maguire’s. I had the steak and lobster special and he had steak too. But let me skip to the important part of dinner. The dessert.

 

Holy crap. It was chocolate lava cake and when you put your fork into it chocolate spewed out like a freaking fire hydrant. Maybe that’s a touch dramatic, but it was close.

After dinner Nathan told me he had a surprise and I had to close my eyes. ALL THE WAY TO THE SECRET DESTINATION!

*****riding in the car*****      ********trying not to get car sick********

30 minutes later we arrived at our top secret destination (it’s always top secret when you’re royalty). It was the hotel we stayed at our wedding night. The Omni Mandalay in Las Colinas. I LOVE this hotel. LOVE it.

So we went to our room, laid around and watched crime shows on A&E and passed out. We’re partiers I tell ya. Partiers. Saturday morning we woke up and he surprised me with an amazing breakfast and couples massage. It was the best day of my whole life. Besides the day I married the guy.

Sunday was our actual anniversary so we carved pumpkins, sat around the house watching football, and just were all around awesome.

My pumpkin is the H. His is the pumpkin with obvious bad oral hygiene habits.

Getting back into the swing of things

Today I ran for the first time in over a month. It felt really good, really bad, really defeating, and really rewarding.

Good because I was running again.

Bad because I was running again (and maybe because I finished a half glass of wine as I was running out the door).

Defeating because I’m out of shape again and starting from scratch (and because I finished have a glass of wine as I was running out the door).

Rewarding because I was running again.

Me before I went out to run:

Apparently when you wear tshirts 3 times your size it makes you look fat.

I took a picture while I was running, but I didn’t stop because I was totally creeped out that I was taking pictures of peoples houses.

Is that illegal?

As I was getting back to the house, I took a picture of my pitiful performance.

Stupid.

And then I promptly went back to the fridge to retrieve the remainder of the wine.

Coffee creamer, mayo, champagne, milke, and wine. picture of heatlh.

Now that I’m running again I signed up for this race. Well, I’m running again BECAUSE i signed up for that race. But that’s beside the point. I’m running again, I’m no longer going to wear tshirts that are far, far too big for me, and I’m going to drink the rest of the wine. I call that a successful evening. OH! And I finished a tshirt I’m making for my friend Kim who is running the Trot with me. No, she doesn’t have the running trots. She is running Turkey Trot with me. Get it right.

For those of you that can't read native zebra print that says, Show me your gobbler

Over and out.

The marathon that wasn’t

This past weekend I was supposed to run a marathon… You may have heard of it… The Chicago Marathon. Here are the 4 major headlines from race day:

1. A woman gave birth 7 hours after running it.
2. Moses Mosop won and then promptly vomited (not major? at least he didn’t shat himself)
3. Liliya Shobukhova won the women’s race and it was the second fastest women’s time EVER (2:18:20).
4. Tragically, William Caviness, collapsed and died less than half a mile from the finish line. According to this article, he was the “picture of health” and his death is still a mystery.

It seems so trivial at this point to feel sorry for myself after such a tragedy on the course. While I didn’t get to run this marathon, I get to run others. I got to fly home from Chicago to my family, my dogs, and sign up for another race (San Diego 2012 here I come!). So I’m done feeling bad about it. Instead I’m going to get off my lazy a$$ and get back in the gym.

Here’s my non-race Chicago recap:

Thursday night we landed and our friend Meni picked us up from the airport. We went straight to Piece Pizza and had mashed potato pizza. NO LIE! It was like my fairy godmother vomited on a pizza pan and covered the vomit in little bits of Heaven. Then she baked it and served it right to our table. It was on my top 10 list of favorite bad-for-you-foods I’ve ever eaten.

On Friday we went to the race expo where I proceeded to embarrass myself by crying as soon as we walked in the door. We picked up the most expensive tech shirt I’ve ever purchased and walked back out. Then I went to H&M where I spent a small fortune on clothes that I couldn’t live without and went back to Meni and Erin’s stupid awesome apartment.

We played Wii and watched the Rangers WIN on their patio. Wait.. What? They have a TV on their patio? Um, no. We projected that sh*t onto a brick wall.

 

Sunday morning all I wanted to do was get up, head to the finish line a couple hours after race start and see the winners. I of course overslept and missed it (and promptly started crying my eyes out AGAIN!). But I was able to get to mile 15 in time to see my friend Kimberly killin’ it on the course. YAY!!! The rest of Sunday we watched football, walked around Wicker Park, made fun of hipsters that try and look poor but really aren’t, and Meni cooked us a REALLY good meal. Veggie burgers, sweet potato fries, and mac&cheese. Those two vegetarians are after own heart I tell ya.

Chicago runners with Sears Tower in the background:

Monday was our flight home so all we did were crossword puzzles. I may have made a compete ra-tard out of myself.

 

Please note the highlighted word and clue

 

Nathan entered the word and I said, “imok? I’ve never heard that word. huh.” He looked at me like I was quite possibly the biggest idiot on the face of the planet and said, “how about I’m Ok. have you heard of that?” whatever. crosswords are hard.

One more picture from the weekend that is definitely worth mentioning. Our friends Veronica and Ford were also supposed to run the marathon on Sunday, but ended up getting injured too. The marathon slogan was “Let’s Run Together.” So Veronica altered it some.

New Slogan "Let's Get Drunk Together." So we did.

Marathon/Blogging Blues

I feel like when I’m not running, I have nothing to blog about. I’m not sure if I love or hate that my life is THAT boring. Should I go shave my head to add some excitement?

Ya know, seeing up close just how bad her extensions looked, she’s probably lucky she just shaved it all off.

Back to my situational “I can’t run the chicago marathon and i’m not funny enough to blog” depression – Um, pretty much what I said sums it right up. Apparently when I’m not running, talking about people pooping their pants while running, or making fun of other people, I have nothing to blog about. It makes me wonder what me and my husband talk about most of the time because I can’t remember. Sorry Hot Dog (Because his name is Nathan. Like Nathan’s Hot Dogs. Get it? No? Ok…)

Enough about Nathan. Let’s talk about me again. Due to my knee issues, I haven’t been running at all. I feel like a failure. I feel fat. I feel lazy. I feel like I need a Handicap sign for my car. But only because I want the good parking spaces. This failing, fat, lazy, non-runner does NOT want to walk any further thru a parking lot than I have to. Anyway, today at Physical Therapy my doctor finally dumbed down my problem enough to where I understand (kinda). Apparently my IT band and something else went wrong. Which in turn has made my knee cap rub against my femur (i think) or maybe my petela. Or maybe my patela is my knee. whatever. anyway, the knee cap rubs against some other bone when I walk/run and hurts like a son of a b. So apparently it wasn’t dumbed down quite enough for me. Even fake blonde has ruined my brain cells.

But on the bright side, I’ve already planned my next marathon. I’m going to run San Diego Rock & Roll Marathon in June with my friend Amanda before she moves to FREAKING JAPAN! Yea, you heard that right. FREAKING JAPAN!

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have to ask Nathan where Japan was on the map. Don’t judge.

So i have the marathon and blogging blues. But have no fear, I’ll come back after I start running again and be hilarious once more. Until then I can only be halfway funny so I might be making a lot of fart jokes.

I’ll also make up for Shakespeare Sunday and write a poem tomorrow.

Shakespeare Sunday

There aren’t many exciting weekend details to discuss.

We spray painted some overpasses and stole some things, but no big fuss.

I didn’t get to run at all because my knee is ruining my life.

I can’t run Chicago next month, and I want to stab myself with a knife.

However, I think I’ve found a reasonable solution.

I’m checking myself into a mental institution.

*******************************

Suck on that talent Shakespeare. What did you do this weekend?

Eat your heart out shakespeare

Since my poetry has gained national attention global attention praise from the highest regarded poets around the world zero recognition, I’ve decided to create “Shakespeare Sundays.” Every sunday I will post a thought provoking poem and hopefully people will start finding my blog by googling “shakespeare” instead of “Thunder Thighs.”

Seriously… Over 2,800 people have found the blog by googling thunder thighs. I wish I was lying, I really do.

So watch out kids because this blog is turning a new leaf. Instead of Run Your Ash Off I will start going by Rhyme Your Ash Off and it’s gonna blow your mind.

This past weekend I tried running 20 miles, but didn’t make it the whole way becuse of my knee. I made it just under 7 miles and had to quit. I HATE having to quit and am stressing out about the marathon and whether or not I’ll be able to run it. Even though it’s not my fault that I couldn’t finish my run, I still feel like a failure for quitting.  I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to have it looked at so hopefully he can tell me what’s wrong and what my next steps are. He’s the Medical Director of the Dallas White Rock Marathon, a marathoner himself, and most of his patients are runners. If anyone is going to be able to help, he will. He called me himself to make and confirm my appointment and only sees 8 patients a day so he can spend an hour with each one. So far I love him. If he looks anything like Reese’s post does today, I may just… well I don’t know what I’d do. Probably nothing since I’m married. Wish me luck!

 

How not to survive alone in the desert

Last week I had 18 miles on the agenda. I made it 15 before my knee started hurting so bad it felt like someone was stabbing it over and over again with a dull, rusty butter knife covered in rubbing alcohol (for sanitary reasons of course). I didn’t carry my cell phone with me so I just sat on the side of the road until a stranger picked me up to take me to my car. Luckily they did not have violent criminal tendencies and actually took me the remaining 3 miles to my car without assaulting me. So as it turns out, there are still good people out there that will not murder you in the woods on a running trail. Imagine that.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday to have my knee looked at and it’s almost normal. I have a slight case of arthritis. He told me to go ahead and try my 20 miler this weekend and if I can’t finish it, I need to make an appointment with a sports medicine doctor. He told me that he would normally give the “do not run for a while” advice, but since I’m running a marathon ONEMONTHFROMTODAYHOLYCRAP then I can’t rest. Awesome. I’m considering buying a brace, but I’m not sure that I want to make ANY changes to my running/training/what I wear during runs/etc until after the marathon. Do you have any advice? I was really considering registering for the Dallas White Rock Marathon in December, but now with this knee stuff I’m not sure. I need to register for another marathon before I run Chicago while I still think, “oh this is going to be fun!” After the marathon I’m pretty sure I’m going to be hating life and wishing I were dead.

Anway… I want to take some time to create a  how to guide that you will never use and will never save your life if you’re stuck in the forest with no water or weapons to fend off giant bears that want to and probably will kill you.

1) How to pee in a wedding dress. You pull it up and balance the fluff on the toilet tank and your legs. And you obviously let your BM take a picture to be posted on the internet later. duh.

2) How to get your annoying baby about of the way when you have to take a pee in a bathroom stall.

3) How to solve to save yourself the embarrassment of pooping your pants in a race – Where adult diapers.

Photoshopping at it's finest right there.

 4) How to piss your husband off

5) How to get the white guy fro.

I think 5 pieces of how to advice is enough for now.

Why I Run

Saturday morning I got up at 3:30, headed to Grapevine to meet with the Team in Training folks, and set out to run 16 miles. 2.5 miles in I had to turn around (thanks Kimberly for turning around with me!) because I was having slight sports bra issues. As in, the bra has lost some elasticity and it felt really painful like death every time I took a step. I went home, took a quick nap until the gym opened, and met Kimberly to finish our run on the TM. 16 miles later, we were done. And celebrated by eating Chipotle.

*********************************

I want to take some time to talk about why I run. Every time someone asks me how my run was, why I’m running a marathon, why I sacrifice so much time to train, etc. my answer is always along the lines of “it’s miserable. I hate it. running sucks. marathon’s are stupid.” So it got me thinking, “Why the hell do I run?”

This is what it looks like to think

First, I run mostly for myself. Mostly. Every time I finish a long run, I feel awesome (ya know, except for the hip and leg pain of course). Honestly, I hate talking about long runs because I feel like I’m bragging about myself. But you SHOULD brag about yourself. You just went out and ran 5, 7, 10, 15, 18+ miles. Why WOULDN’T you want to brag about yourself? And come on, as a runner, don’t you feel better than non-runners eating Taco Bell every night on their couch? Of course you do. So there. I run to brag about myself and to feel better than other people.

Oh, you’re wearing the new Louboutin’s I want? Can you wear those while running 26.2 miles?

No.

Well suck it and check out these Saucony Triumph’s.

Second, I run because I have no excuse not to. I have 2 legs and I’m healthy. There are people out there that do amazing things every single day that mean so much more than crossing a marathon finish line. Watch this video on Anthony Robles. Is that dude awesome or what?

 

Third, I run so I can eat Pizza, buffalo wings, every carb in humanity, and drink beer. If I ate all that and didn’t run, someone would have to take a wrecking ball to the wall in my living room and get me out of my Lazy Boy via crane.

Fourth, I run to make the fam proud. As someone who didn’t finish college and never had a talent that would take me anywhere, I need something to do ’em proud! I mean, I’m really good at judging the size of Tupperware I’ll need for leftovers, but where’s that gonna take me? The only place I can think of is the Food Network and I’m pretty sure Rachel Ray and Paula Deen have that job covered. Seriously, I am really good at that. I always know exactly how big it needs to be and the food goes right to the top, but doesn’t overflow. If you know of anyone who needs that in their life, email me at runyourashoff@gmail.com. ha

And last, but certainly not least, I run for my grandpa. I miss Papa Max every day and love that I feel I’m doing something to honor him. He was one of my favorite people on the planet. He’s still my fav, but he’s probably doing lots of huntin and fishin up in Heaven.

I’m sure I run for more reasons but my word count is up to 571 and so I should quit. Oh, and as my friend Sean said last night, “people run because they look better in a bathing suit than people that don’t.” booya. 601 words.

Romance is not dead

Last night Nathan and I were discussing how today (8/23) is our 10 month anniversary and that for the 1 year anniversary the gift is paper. So I said, “you can write me a poem.” So together, we did write one.

You make me happy in my heart

I get sad when we are apart

You make me feel really smart

I’m always sorry when I fart

When we go to San Francisco we can ride the BART

I will buy you candy every time I go to the Quickie Mart

When we grocery shop I will push the cart

I think you’re just as sweet as a tart

That’s copyrighted so don’t steal it. Also, we’re disappointed we didn’t have a line for “shart.”

The end.